Expectations

I have a problem with expectations. Unfortunately, I have always been this way and it has taken me almost 30 years to realize this. Sad. It wasn't until a conversation I had a few months ago with my Dad, that I realized this. Maybe it's wanting to control every aspect of my life, because obviously deep down, I feel that my way is the right way. I guess that's also called stubborn or hard-headed. This can cause a major problem for others in your life, but most importantly, I'm learning that it can cause you to miss out on what God is trying to show you.

I love check-lists! So much so, that when I make one, I'll write down things I have already completed to make myself feel better. Again, sad, but the truth. Growing up, I had a check-list on life. Go to college, get married, have kids, buy a house, grow old. Within that check-list, I had a TON of expectations. When those expectations weren't met, I became disappointed, sad, and then a angry. I not only took it out on myself, but on the people around me.

I expect my kids to nap. When they don't, I realize how tired I am and become frustrated that I don't have time to myself. I expect my husband to help me after a long day. When he would rather sit and relax, I become annoyed and feel like he doesn't care that I had a long day. When really, he just had a long day as well, and needs a break for himself. I expect everyone to know how I'm feeling, and when they don't, I think they are insincere and rude. See what I mean? Selfish.

A lot, but not all people, enter marriage this way. Just recently, in the Shifting Gears Sunday School class we attend, we discussed this. There is a difference between expectations and hope. A husband can hope that he is going to have a good home-cooked meal every night, your wife to pick up for you, and "fun" in the evening. But if you change that to expecting that to happen, you can cause a rift in your marriage, without even realizing it.

Usually, expectations can be one sided. Most of the time, the other person has no idea what your expectations might be. If that is the case, a fight could occur with words that can break down the other person.

To be brutally honest, my expectations have hurt my husband, my family, and my friends. I want this perfect world and I lose sight that I'm not in control, but God is. So many times, I try to do things on my own, because let's face it, I think I can do it better. Sure, God will let me do things on my own, but how much easier would it be if I just handed it over to Him. That doesn't mean it won't be difficult, but it's trusting that He will pull you thru and give you the grace you need.

I write this mostly for me, to remind myself that the expectations that I have set for myself or others in my life, hasn't helped me, but only discouraged me and let me down. But I also write this in hope that if you struggle with this as well, know that I'll be praying for you.